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- Sheila Viesca, TalkShop

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Love Month Bug: Because We Communicate Love

Love Month Bug: Because We Communicate Love

Don’t we just love the idea of love? Take it a notch higher and we end up dreaming about eternal romance. Now that the love month is here, let’s take it by the day to understand what a perfect partner love and language are!

There are five love languages, according to Gary Chapman. And knowing the specific love language your partner, parents, friends or colleagues speak will surely help improve the present status of your relationship with them. (Hold that thought of changing your FB status until you finish reading this article!)

First of all is this very important note that you have to repost on your heart and mind. Love doesn’t end in falling. Falling in love is neither the beginning nor the end of good partnership or friendship.

Love like communication is not static. It needs to be honed, trained and sustained. We all fall for the idea that love is a romantically drawn randomness in the universe where boy meets girl, and then chemistry starts to unfold. For a time, yes, it is. But it is not forever.

There are two stages of love: obsessive and covenant. Obsessive stage is where you find yourself stalking your partner’s every move in Facebook and holding onto your phone as if every second a text might just come out of it to give you a big lash of love.
The covenant stage is where we all fall short to keep apace with. This is where the five love languages come in to rescue couples that are on the brink of ripping each other apart. But I am sure you all heard of this incessant demand for EFFORT. To fall in love and to stay in a relationship requires great, intentional, conscious effort. To love is to commit to doing whatever it takes to keep that love from fading away.

#1 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. Appreciation is observation unfolding through loving words. Giving praises truthfully, commending your friends, giving out words of encouragement, expressing gratitude to your parents, dropping a word that you think will make your partner blush and feel appreciated can make a huge difference in your relationships. Words will always have the power to create and destroy. But if this month’s love bug is all about being romantically happy in a relationship where you want to grow and be in for the rest of your life, you might as well start practicing on your ‘motivation move’ now.

#2 GIFTS. Yes, there goes the old-fashioned gifts!  It is important that you venture on discovering your partner/friend/parents’ love language. Most of the time, the things they complained about the most or the things they do for others are also their own love language. See, it is pointless to give gifts or words of affirmation to someone whose love language is acts of service. People who love to receive gifts tie in a sort of special feelings to the object they have received. It is for them a reminder of that heart-wrenching, heart-bashing, heartrending moment and most importantly, it reminds them how much they are loved.

#3 ACTS OF SERVICE. “When we learn to speak each other’s love languages early in our relationships, we are able to keep each other’s love tanks full.” The thing about love is that we all at some point become servants. The word is rarely used because it is indicative of weakness and submission, but if you would come to think of it, wanting to serve rather than to be served is the core from where we can fully understand the power of love. Love makes us want to serve, to do something for the benefit of another person. It folds our selfishness into flaps of service. It doesn’t have to be a grandiose, flamboyant dinner party, it can be as simple as keeping your things in place so your roommate can rest or work on a clean space.

#4 QUALITY TIME. As Rick Warren puts it, “When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. It is not enough to just say relationships are important; we must prove it by investing time in them.” Giving quality time means giving your undivided attention to listen, understand, sympathize, and enjoy with your partner with one romantic goal in mind –to create memories.

#5 PHYSICAL TOUCH. Timing, setting, manner of touching are of great importance when dealing with this love language. Physical intimacy doesn’t only have to be about sex. A tap on the shoulder can mean the world to someone who’s in a great deal of stress or depression. A hug can be an ice breaker. A soft touch can mean so much for a baby. Holding your partner’s hand while walking can paint a new picture of romance.

Love brings people together. It hushes anger. It gives us an access to a power that we seldom understand. This month of February, learn to speak any of these five languages and carry it on to your office and home. You’ll be surprised how communicating love to others can change your life. 

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